Students protest blood shortages

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In recent news, vampire students are protesting against the blood shortages on campus and are demanding that the campus takes more action in order to increase the supply of blood.

“This is an outrage” student government president Tom Chi said. “Students who are vampires have the same rights as other students, regardless of whether they are human, werewolves, or some other kind of supernatural being. They have earned that right and the campus is required by law to ensure that vampires have access to blood or aren’t a threat to other students or members of the community.”

This sentiment is reflected by the president of the Human Third club here on campus, Wooden Wilson, who points out that the law exists for a reason. Blood is provided for vampire students as part of their daily diet so that they do not feed on innocent humans during the day, or harm other supernatural creations. If anything were to happen, it would only lead to further trouble with the federal government and other supernatural groups, like the National Witches Associations, who in the past has protected against the unfear treatment of witches by humans and other magical creatures.

According to the campus Director of the Health Center Dan Woody, the blood shortage was caused by the increasing demand for blood by other community colleges in the state, which in turn was caused by the increasing number of vampires enrolling for community college in order to increase their chances of gaining meaningful employment in the job market.

“In a way, the subject reminds me of the movie ‘Daybreakers’ staring Ethan Hawke,” Dan Woody said of the situation, “Where the whole world population were vampires and pretty soon they were running out of blood due to the decreasing number of humans who were just not providing enough blood for everyone.”

According to the state government, 200,000 community college students who have identified themselves as vampires enrolled last fall for courses in the 2,000 community colleges available in California. This increase is responsibility for the blood shortage, as community colleges in the state are trying to get ahold of the last available sources of blood in the state, running head long into aid organizations and hospitals, who themselves need the blood for medical proposes.

At the moment, it looks like the blood shortage will be lasting for a while as everyone tries to find a solution to the issue, as there is no sign of the situation ending any time soon.

“We don’t know what is likely to happen or what will happen in the future,” protesting Skyline College student Jeff Haley said, “but we need a solution to this problem otherwise what is the point of having us vampires as part of human society? We may as well go back to the way things were in the past with you hunting vampires down.”

The blood shortage aside, the protests here at Skyline College are causing concern to parents and other students on campus as they rightly point out that, as vampires they do have a natural advantage over humans and other students, they can indeed use them to feed if the rules do break down.

Addressing this concern, Skyline College Public Safety Officer Zom Kingsmans, a zombie, said “the public and the district stands ready to aid and protect students if the protest turn ugly.” But he also feels that it is unlikely to be the case. Vampires are known for being civil in difficult situations.

The protests are ongoing and there is no sign of a solution or an end in sight.

This article is not real and was written for the TSV online Halloween special for Fall, 2015.