The art of letting go – take your time

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Let’s face it, breaking up will never be easy; it will always hurt at least a little bit.

Breakups can range from “I hate you, never come back into my life,” to “I just think it’s not working out for us, it’s best if we go our separate ways.” But even the lightest of breakups can sting.

Even then, we’re always so lost afterwards. We feel like we’re okay but really, we aren’t. You can still hear his/her voice calling your name, that first date, that first kiss, and the many other things you’ve shared together.

You start questioning where things went wrong, how it ended up like this. Just when you thought you started to feel better, you’re watching another chick flick, crying yourself to sleep.

We’re here today to guide you through it, but we won’t be telling you “It’s going to be okay,” or “You deserve better anyway.” No, we’re here to make sure that you’re not thinking about him/her again, that you can breathe and feel like yourself again.

Even if you’re not going through a breakup right now, you can always look back at this story if you need to, and get on the right path back to being happy.

Step one: It’s over and you need to accept it, it didn’t work out for a reason. It sounds really hard but look at things another way. All you’ve ever thought about is why you love them so much, why he/she is perfect for you. That’s why you’re hurting.

It’s totally fine to hurt though. It will help to accept what you’re feeling first, but you’re going through a process. Don’t be embarrassed of your feelings either. You invested a lot into it, you deserve to cry over it.

But why does it feel like this? Why does it feel so intense? Well, love actually affects your brain like a drug. Psychology Today compares love to smoking crack. The similarities lie in “the high-octane euphoria associated with smoking crack cocaine. Falling in love is the best high you can get without breaking any laws.”

That explains why it’s so addicting, why you just can’t let it go in the blink of an eye. You are suffering from the same kind of pain an addict goes through when they suffer from withdrawals. So treat “moving on” like rehabilitation; you’re doing this for self-improvement. Sober up again, you’re pretty messed up and the withdrawals are going to suck really hard, but you have to power through it. Step-by-step.

Now that you understand why you feel like this, we’re ready for step two: You have to actually start moving on. You have to realize that you really don’t need anyone but yourself. Think about all the negatives, the times he/she hurt you, the times you’ve argued with each other, and the times you’ve felt like you just didn’t want to be with them anymore. Underneath all those moments is the reason why you broke up.

Now you feel angry, which is perfect, it helps to be angry. Let it out, of course, healthily and responsibly. Love is an emotion as much as it is a physical feeling. That’s why you start losing your appetite, you start to feel fatigue, and you feel anxiety when the thought comes up.

Step three: what do you do when this anger stirs up in you? Let it out, hit a heavy bag, lift weights, throw and break things (of course, things of no value whatsoever), you can even throw out every memento he/she left you, angrily! But really, working out is what you want to look at here.

Mindbodygreen, a media brand dedicated to health and wellness, gives us six reasons why working out makes you feel happy. “It releases happy chemicals into your brain, it makes you less stressed out, it energizes you, it boosts your confidence, it eases anxiety, and it fights insomnia.”

All the feelings you’re feeling right now can easily be let go of if you start working out. On top of that, you’re working out! You’re going to be in great shape after all this breakup nonsense passes.

This is the time for you. It is your time to feel good about yourself. You are an individual and it’s time you start acting and feeling like one again. Think about yourself for a minute, think about what makes you, you.

Step four: write down the things about yourself that you love so much. Write down at least five, and make a poem or a song out of it. Have fun with it, you lost who you were for a while and it’s time to get it back. Rebuild the image of yourself you had and hold on to it. Only you can really tell yourself who you are and what you feel.

Self-esteem is the real key to moving on. You’re on your own now and only you can help yourself now that he/she is gone.

Believe it or not, breaking up actually brings down your self-esteem. People normally think that their image is linked to the person they were with, which is why after a breakup, they don’t have that person anymore and he/she away their self-esteem along with him/her. Healthline, a website dedicated to public health and care, claims that self-esteem decreases the more people dwell on open memories, increasing their self-awareness too.

Did all of that help you?

What? It still hurts? You still think about your ex?

That’s totally fine, it really isn’t that easy to get over it. When it comes down to it, you really just need time. Sometimes, people just don’t get over it at all. YourTango.com claims that 71 percent of people say that they think about their ex too much. You’re not alone.

Ultimately, it really is up to you what methods will help you move on. We’re just here to help you find the healthiest way possible to get over a breakup.