Dear Johnny,
I’m dating this great guy who opens doors for me, takes me out to places I like to go and actually listens to me when I talk. There is just one thing that I don’t know what to do about: He drinks too much and sometimes even shows up to a date buzzed. He’s not angry or mean, he’s just really goofy and sometimes rude. I don’t know what to do.
— Confused
Dear Confused,
Dating is a wonderful thing. Going out and having fun and getting to know someone else intimately is a lot of fun. Listen to one of the key phrases in that sentence: “getting to know someone.” That is the whole reason you go on multiple dates, right? You need to be honest especially in a new relationship or while dating someone new. If you don’t tell them what’s bothering you now, they will hold it against you later by saying things like, “I was like this when I met you” or ” This has never bothered you before!” The last thing you want to do is get into an argument with this person about why you didn’t tell them about something that bothered you in the beginning. It’s a wasteful argument that leads nowhere.
My advice is to go right out and say it, not while he is intoxicated and possibly dangerous or at least uninhibited enough to retaliate with some kind of liquid or finger. Sit him down when you are both sober and ready to have a serious conversation. It’s either that or stop calling him altogether and say that it isn’t working out (one of the benefits of just dating and not being in a relationship). This isn’t one of those problems that ends up working itself out or one of those things you can just overlook. In fact, your being honest with this person could possibly lead him to seek help for a drinking problem and send you into the arms of a mature man that you have fun with. You are right to worry when a guy is fantastic but is socially awkward enough to show up to a date buzzed—that’s weird. Bring these concerns to his attention if you want to continue to have these great dates, and you will also feel good about genuinely helping a person with a problem. Good luck!