Dear Zoe, Thanksgiving is coming up and my boyfriend expects me to spend it with his family. The problem is that my family would be extremely hurt if I ditched our own event because Thanksgiving is kind of a big deal in my family. To make things worse, they are both at about the same time so it’s not like one is a lunch and the other is a dinner. But if I stay at home, I don’t want my boyfriend’s family to feel like I’m dissing them. What should I do??? -Turkey Overload Dear Turkey Overload, Let me start by saying how nice that you have two families wanting you to join them for Thanksgiving! We should all be so lucky. And, if you focus more on the fact that you (and your boyfriend) are so wanted, then I think you’ll see that this is less of a problem than it is just a logistical scheduling issue.

First, you should talk to your parents about the situation. Even though they obviously want you home for Thanksgiving, I bet they will be happy to hear that your boyfriend’s family is welcoming you to their house. Make sure your boyfriend talks to his parents too. They should be aware that your family would also like to have your boyfriend over. Once both sets of parents realize the situation, they might come up with solutions for you to go to both Thanksgivings without any further effort on your part-parents are great at fixing things.

However, if you want to come up with your own resolution to this issue, I can suggest two options. One is to split the time evenly at each house on the day of the event. Even though you say the meals are at the same time, Thanksgiving usually lasts quite a few hours due to all the food and fun involved, so being able to attend both events shouldn’t be too much of a stress. Let’s say dinner starts at 7 p.m. Go an hour or two early to the first event and then leave around 7:30 or 8 p.m. for the next one. If your parents know what’s going on, nobody should give you much grief about accommodating two families in one day.

The second option is to spend Thanksgiving with only one family, but make up extra quality time with the other family. For example, if you absolutely cannot skip your family’s meal, then explain this to your boyfriend’s family and emphasize how disappointed you are to be missing their celebration. Then, make plans to have another meal with them very soon or at some other point that holiday weekend. They can’t be too upset if you make it clear how much you like and want to spend time with them, even if it’s not on the exact day of Thanksgiving. And in some ways, this can be even better since nobody will be running around worried about the status of the turkey-you can all just head to a local restaurant for a more relaxed meal together. —– Dear Zoe,My girlfriend has the worst PMS. Normally she’s totally cool and nice, but every month she turns into a raving maniac for a whole week. She gets mean, super sensitive, cries randomly, over- or under-eats (this varies), picks fights with me and just generally is awful to deal with. I love her but I just can’t handle this craziness anymore. Whenever I try talking to her about this, she says it’s not her fault, it’s hormonal and that I should just deal with it. I’ve tried but it’s starting to really get to me. Can you help us? -PMS sucks Dear PMS Sucks, Yes, PMS does suck for the many, many women who have to suffer through it each month. The physical side effects are hard enough but I think for a lot of women, it’s often the mental and emotional issues that are the worst. And, it’s not only bad for the afflicted females, but often everyone around them suffers too-particularly the men in their lives, as they have no similar point of reference. So count yourself lucky that as a guy you don’t have to have to personally experience PMS for some 40 or so, years. However, I know it’s no picnic to have to put up with a PMS-ing female, especially if it’s a significant other. I know you mentioned talking to her about this problem before, and not liking her answers. However, it might be your approach to the subject that she didn’t respond well to, especially if you tried talking to her while she was going through these symptoms (a big no-no…never try to talk to a PMS-ing female while she’s in the middle of it). It’s hard for her to be objective while she’s feeling moody or having cramps, so make sure you wait until you know she’s back to her normal self. Then, when you talk about it, don’t make it sound like it’s just her problem, or that she’s the one completely responsible for fixing it. Make it clear that you feel really bad that you are both suffering when she is PMS-ing. You want her to know that you two are a team and that together you have an issue to address. She should be receptive to this (nobody wants to make a loved one feel bad) and may have some suggestions on what would make the experience better for her. Maybe it will help her feel less moody if you pay more attention to her, or you cam also try to keep her favorite chocolate handy-this may alleviate the anger and/or crying. You can also suggest that she warn you before things get really bad-perhaps you two will come up with a code word/phrase for when she’s feeling extra grumpy and it could turn into a cute private thing between the two of you, instead of an emotional teary fight. If none of these things work, it might just be because she has a severe case of PMS that could require medical attention. I would consider this option as a last resort though, because I’m never a fan of over-medicating. She should talk to her doctor about her symptoms and see what a professional thinks about the situation. Maybe the diagnosis is that she’s completely normal and just needs to adjust a few things when she’s experiencing PMS or it might turn out that she requires medication to help control her physical and emotional ailments.

Whatever you two end up doing, whether it’s code phrases, more back rubs, or actual medication, make sure she knows you care for her and you want to be there for her. I guarantee that your support will go a long way towards making her feel better.