Whether you blame it on the economy, the September 11 attacks, or the outbreak of SARS, the airline industry has taken a beating. From massive layoffs to bankruptcy, it is certain that the road to recovery will be long and filled with obstacles. Some smaller, more nimble airlines such as JetBlue and Southwest are adapting to these changes. By offering more of what people want, such as less crowded flights and more comfortable seats to lower airfares and must have electronic gadgets such as internet access and DirectTV hookups, these “budget” carriers are hoping to entice more passengers.
     The owner of the Hooters restaurant chain is also trying to help and is giving the term “fly the friendly skies” a whole new meaning. They plan to not only offer passengers low rates for the fare, but also “put the fun back in flying!” – By having two Hooters girls on every flight. So far, they are only servicing Atlanta, Baltimore, Myrtle Beach and Newark, but hopefully they will expand nationwide.
     * (In the Friendly Skies) While we are on the topic of scantly clad airline workers and budget carriers; Southwest Airlines fired two pilots for allegedly “taking off all or most of their clothes” during a flight. Southwest believed that it was a “prank” that went overboard. The pilots however maintain that one of them removed his uniform after coffee was spilled. Whatever really happened, 2 naked men, behind closed door in a COCKpit doesn’t sound like spilt coffee to me. It’s better left to the imagination. [USA Today]
     * (Somewhere between Miami and Cancun) The pilots in the last stories were flying for the wrong airline. Castaways Travel of Texas chartered a Boeing 727 for a flight to Miami to Cancun. 87 passengers upon take off took off their seat belts… along with the rest of their clothing. The nude flight was the first of its kind and organizers believe this inaugural flight allowed stressful passengers to let it all go. For the safety of the passengers, no hot coffee or tea was served for the fear of spills. I hope for the safety of future passengers, all the seats get thoroughly sterilized! [Herald Sun]
     * (Melbourne, Australia) We all know that sex sells but how much would you pay for sex? No, not literally. Hollywood madam to the stars, Heidi Fleiss was present at the Australian Stock Exchange for the initial trading of the world’s first publicly traded bordello, Daily Planet. “How can you go wrong with sex?” Fleiss said. I have to agree, I was told once that sex and liquor is the only two recession-proof sectors.
     * (El Paso, TX) 12-year-old Sal Santana stuck out his tongue at a girl, after she rejected his invitation to be his girlfriend. The school district administrator saw it as sexual harassment, exercised the zero-tolerance policy and suspended him for three days. Santana is facing the possibility of getting expelled and placed in an alternative school. After this incident and the one with Kevin Long (the plastic butter knife story), I think school districts across the country need to reevaluate various policy and just let kids be kids. [El Paso Times Online]
     * (Palo Alto, CA) Speaking of childish behavior, the Palo Alto’s city council is drafting a code of conduct manual for their meetings. The proposed manual will prohibit all disagreeable facial expressions or body language, which would include frowns, head shaking, eye-rolling and so forth. Just what we need, more stiffs on the governing council. [San Jose Mercury News]
     * (Charleston, WV) Six city council candidates have managed to misspell their party affiliation on official forms. Various variations that appeared were “Democart,” “Democrate,” “Repbulican” and “Repucican.” Despite misspelling his party “Democart” four years ago, John Pettry won a seat on the council that year. Pettry who are running to get re-elected, repeated the mistake again this year. Proving once again, some of the people that run our cities and country are not always the brightest. I have to go brush up my Latin now in case I feel the urge to go to Latin America.
     * (London) Last issue I introduced you to Princess, the lucky cat who survived a stabbing to her head. Let me introduce another lucky cat, Tinker. Tinker lives in his own house, valued at $560,000 after his late owner, Margaret Layne passed. The will gave Tinker the majority of her estate. Along with the house, $160,000 have been set in a trust fund for his food. This is truly a rags to riches stories for Tinker, who was a stray that walked into Layne’s life. Talk about a fat cat. [The Beaufort Gazette Online]
     * (Spanaway, WA) Monika Culbertson is another lucky one. Culbertson has won more than 4-million dollars in 3 separate lottery winnings. She is the first person in the Washington state lottery to win 3 times. Culbertson claimed she isn’t a gambler, but admitted to spending $20 weekly on the lottery in the last 10 years. Look lady, you are a gambler, a lucky one, but still, a gambler. [Seattle Times]
     * (Indianapolis, IN) Linda Shearer is another lucky one. No, she didn’t inherit anything or win the lottery. She did however escape serious injury or possible death when a stray 45-caliber slug shattered the passenger window of her SUV where she was stopped at a traffic light. The bullet then bounced off the air-conditioning vent and landed on her lap. Shearer was treated for minor bruises at the local hospital. [CBSNews.com]
     * (Kansas City, KS) Wesley Fitzpatrick applied and was granted a temporary restraining order against a female stalker who was making him “scared, depressed and in fear for (his) freedom.” The stalker turns out to be his parole officer, who was carrying out her supervision duties. Fitzpatrick tried to take it a step further to have the restraining order made permanent. Fitzpatrick was quickly arrested for not keeping in contact with his parole officer and face possible charges for interference with a state employee’s duties. [Kansas City Star]
     Well, that’s all folks. It has been my pleasure bringing this news to you in this column throughout the semester. I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the readers. I have received both positive and negative feedback regarding this column, which tells me people are reading it. As I close out this final installment of this column, I want to remind everyone that not all news is about murder and death, or war or greed. There are news stories out there that will make you laugh and sigh. Look for these stories and remember to think to yourself, WHAT THE…?!