Although it’s been said that two things in life are certain; death and taxes, Hollywood had made a killing with actors and actresses defying death in every shape and form. Although it’s unfortunate that we can not escape death as easily as shown on the silver screens, the first few stories shows that it can be done, by ordinary people like you and me:
      * (Blue Springs, Mo.) Joe R. Thompson was thrown more than 20 feet into the air during a car crash. Instead of plummeting to him death, he landed on live power lines. Hanging on to both his consciousness and the power lines, he called his family and rescuers on his cell phone. Firefighter arrived swiftly, rescuing Thompson from his predicament. If only we were all that lucky. [Blue Springs Examiner]
      * (Phoenix, Az.) Marcos Martin Parra was nearly decapitated by a drunk driver in a traffic accident. Parra’s skull “had been ripped from the cervical spine and neck ligaments, leaving the head fragilely attached by the spinal cord.” Dr. Curtis Dickman of St. Joseph’s Hospital performed a first-of-a-kind surgery of reattaching Parra’s head to his body. Less than six months after the surgery, Parra is once again playing basketball and other “normal” activities. The surgery was a stunning success; Parra only lost 5 percent of his neck’s range of motion. Miracle worker or brilliant doctor? You decide. [Arizona Republic]
      * (London) Not everyone wants a second chance in life, Frances Polack, an 85-year-old widow, “does not want to die twice.” Polack believes that if she got resuscitated when she dies, she would have to go through the process of death all over again. In order to make sure the doctors are informed of her wishes, she had the words “Do Not Resuscitate” across her chest. [Yahoo! News]
      * (Gourock, Scotland) Robert Kincaid, an 84-year-old World War I veteran, recently discovered a bullet lodged in neck during a routine X-ray. The bullet was fired at him more than 60 years ago during the war, when he was 21. At the time, Kincaid was aware that he had been shot but assumed the bullet went in and out “because two holes had been left after the shooting.” The bullet does not have to be removed and remains apart of Kincard. Talk about a pain in the neck.[BBC News]
      * (Tampa, Fla.) Speaking of shooting, students in Kings High School staged a play to explore school shootings. The play, sponsored by Mothers Against Violence, illustrated victims of a factual shooting coming back to talk to their killer making him realize that he has done something awful and the repercussions of it. Although Principal David Steele agrees, “the moral of the story is a good one,” he feels as though the theme is too “sensitive” for high school students. I guess Steele thinks shielding them from it will make the issue go away. I wonder if that school has sex or health education. I bet they don’t even know the world is at the brink of war. [St. Petersburg Times]
      * (Memphis, MI) More craziness in high schools, Brian Delekta, a high school senior filed a lawsuit against the school system for giving him an ‘A’ instead of an ‘A’ plus in one of the courses. The class in question was a “work experience” course; he worked as a paralegal assistant in a law office. His supervisor said he did “A plus work, not A, work.” Did I mention his supervisor was his mother? Despite this blemished mark on his academic record, he still ranked first in the class by the end of his junior year. Talk about an overachiever. [Minneapolis Star Tribune]
      * (Beaufort, NC) Some food for thought, Neal Rowland, owner of Cubbie’s is renaming the french fries his restaurant serves as “freedom fries”. The decision was made after French officials denied support for the Bush administration’s push for war, and Rowland wanted to show his support for the American troops. This follows the tradition of liberty cabbage (sauerkraut), liberty steaks (hamburgers) and hot dogs (wieners). Let’s see, since Russia and China are also unwilling to back the war effort, let’s rename Vodka and Dim Sum while we’re at it. [CNN]
      * (Houma, LA) I don’t quite know what to make of this but Kenneth Patrick Porche, Jr was arrested at a department store outside the ladies room, carrying four zip-lock bags of urine. Each bag was labeled with description such as “an old woman.” An investigation turned out that Porche disabled the flushing mechanism of the toilets, lined the bowl with a plastic film and hid in other stalls. He has been charged with “criminal mischief” and “ritualistic acts”. The charges carry a maximum penalty of 5 years in the can. [Houma Today]
      * (Weatherford, TX) While we are on the topic of punishments, Justin Lundin, in a fit of road rage, stopped his car in the middle of a two-lane road to attack the driver behind him. He was struck and killed by another car trying to get around the stopped vehicles. Another example of danger when you combine stupidity with road rage. [Fort Worth Star]
      * (Jefferson City, MO]) Stupidity and politicians seem to be going hand in hand these days. State Rep. Cynthia Davis interrupted Rep. Chuck Graham during a debate. Davis accused Graham ,who had the floor at that time, of being out of order. Davis recited a rule, which stated, a “member must be standing in order to speak.” I guess unknown to Davis at that time, Graham has been in a wheelchair for 21 year, as a result of a car accident. Doh, someone get that foot out of her mouth. [St. Louis Post]
      * Dell computer has recently been asking its buyers if the computers they are purchasing will “be used in connection with weapon of mass destruction, i.e., nuclear application, missile technology, or chemical or biological weapons purposes.” As if I am actually going to click yes and tell you about it! [theage.com]
      * Seems like Kansas is as naïve as Dell. The Kansas department of revenue requires drug dealers to purchase drug tax stamps for any controlled substances. After purchasing the stamp, it’s then attached to the drug. Their reasoning? “The fact that dealing marijuana and controlled substances is illegal does not exempt it from taxation. Therefore drug dealers are required by law to purchase drug tax stamps.” Can you imagine the rush of street pharmacist and kingpins rushing down to their local tax office? What’s funnier is that the Revenue department reported a 5 percent increase for marijuana and 20% increase for cocaine, methamphetamine and other “hard drugs” for January. See, drug dealers are law abiding citizens of the community. [Wichita Eagle]
      * (Kent, Oh.) This column would not be complete if I didn’t mention to the breast topic. Carol Lynn, surrounded by winter snowfall, decided to build a snowman in front of her house. To finish her creation, she added a pair of snow breasts, effectively changing it into a snow woman. A complaint of “inappropriate snow figure” was almost immediately called in anonymously to the authorities. A police officer arrived to investigate and dismissed it as a non-issue after the officer spoke with Lynn. I guess we have to be careful where we put those snow balls. [Akron Beacon Journal]
      * And finally, a bit of old news. Did you know that CNN, since day one of the Columbia disaster, knew exactly what caused the disaster? Apparently, the shuttle at “nearly 18 times speed of light”. No wonder it disintegrated into bits and pieces. This is clear evidence that you should not believe everything you see on TV.