The Trojan Man: Is it big enough?

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The Trojan Man: Is it big enough?

Drawing by Alyssa Koszis/The Skyline View

Drawing by Alyssa Koszis/The Skyline View

Drawing by Alyssa Koszis/The Skyline View

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And it never will be. So stick to your internet porn and your television gossip shows, because that’s obviously what you’ve been comparing yourself to. But here in the real world, the statistics and science say that you are perfectly fine.

A lot of where guys and girls get their ideas about how big a guy should be is from purposefully superficial sources. The guys in porn are chosen specifically because they have above-average whangs; movie conversations only recognize the extremes of the ginormous and the insignificant. It’s like comparing a Focus to a Ferrari; sure the Ferrari is better, if you’re lucky enough to have one.

There’s also a lot of attention put on having superior equipment, when really how big you are isn’t that significant. For one thing, people aren’t attracted to you because of your knob. Unless, of course, you’re one of those guys that just wanders around with his business hanging out all the time, in which case you’re probably just picking this paper up on your way to the cop car. People aren’t judging your attractiveness by your size. Even when things get dirty and they finally see your magic, odds are they’ll want you no matter what you have to show.

The real problem is rarely about not sizing up, rather, people wanting to go above and beyond simple satisfaction. Well, here’s what I have to say about that; if your partner isn’t happy it isn’t because you aren’t big enough, it’s because you’re doing it wrong. That goes for guys and girls; if things are dull in the bedroom, don’t assume it’s just because he doesn’t measure up. Sadly, maybe he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. Or worse, maybe someone before you liked it that way.

The old cliche really is true: it’s about how you use it. I guarantee you, reading into a real authority on the subject (which Cosmo isn’t) and a little bit of confidence will put you inches above anyone blessed with a gift. That’s not just a pun, either; a guy will literally feel like Mandingo if you let him know how good of a job he’s done after educating himself. Besides, safe and effective penis enlargement doesn’t really exist, so come to terms with learning how to impress with what you’ve got.

So the point is, stop being lazy and worrying about something you can do nothing about. If you’re concerned with performance or making an impression, stop frickin’ worrying. Read up on a few tips and tricks so your partner will remember you well before you break out your big guns. And girls, train your men in the ways of a woman. Ineffective men are usually just ignorant, not defective.

The headline for this article edited from just ‘The Trojan Man’ to ‘The Trojan man – Is it big enough? 5/1/2013 8:24 p.m.