How parents should deal with their kids when the two of them are locked in a power struggle was the main topic that was discussed in the discipline workshop that was held on Tuesday afternoon.

Sunshine Wu and Vicky Feng were the two people in charge of the discussion. Wu is a mental health consultant and Feng is a teacher at the Skyline Development Center.

The meeting opened with the three people who attended sharing memories of when during their childhood they resisted their parents.

A majority of the people attending discussed that, when they were growing up, whatever their parents said was the final word. There was no discussion or chance for them to explain their position. They have noticed, watching their children, that children are more inquisitive of their parents. They feel that this allows for more two-way communication.

Another thing that last generation’s parents had in common was that they were afraid to admit that they were wrong or made a mistake, so they never said ‘sorry’. But saying ‘sorry’ quickens the healing process and permanently removes the scar of an argument. Kids will pick up on their parents’ willingness to admit their faults and will, in the future, consciously ponder their situation and admit it if they made a mistake.

One of the attendees mentioned that it is difficult to get her pre-school age daughter to get dressed in the morning. Several solutions were discussed, such as being dressed yourself when asking your kid to get dressed, creating a consequence for not getting dressed, and going over with your child the night before, so that it is already in the child’s mind when they wake up in the morning. But, a good technique is to always ask the child why they are resisting, and then a solution may become obvious.

A common theme of the discussions was that it is important to make a child think that they are in control, that they have power, but to lead them into doing what needs to be done. The easiest way is to provide them with two options, which appear to them to be different but in reality will result in the same outcome. Because they made the choice, however, they feel that they are in control and it is what they wanted.

Sometimes, parents just have to pick their battles. The ones that you should stick with are about choices that involve self-restraint. An example that was given was eating chocolate. You cannot let kids get away with eating however much they want, otherwise they won’t have what it takes later in life to say ‘no’, whether it be drugs, stealing or chocolate.

Lastly, positive reinforcement is essential because it makes a child feel good inside, rewarding them for their good behavior without showering them with material gifts. While giving them a prize for doing what they are told might work at first, the child will come to expect a gift every time they do something they are told to do.

This concluded the four part discipline workshop. The directors of the meeting have plans to return next year to do it again.