Advice Nerd:

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Greetings. Many students at Skyline College are here directly from high school, and many times they come to college expecting that their high school woes will be left behind. Guess what? It doesn’t always work out that way. I’ve got an email here that illustrates my point:

Hi Advice Nerd,Well I found it hard to believe that close friends can completely turn their backs on you because of false accusations and “rumors.” That all changed when it actually happened to me at the end of high school and within my closest friends. Now that I’m in college, most of the friends that I hung out with and believed would be there forever are on their own roads. It’s like we never even knew each other. I know I should be moving on by now, but it still bugs me when I think about it. I have made new friends here, but I don’t even know if I can trust people the same way again. I just want to know how to deal with this situation. Sincerely: Aliza

When I came to Skyline, I was accompanied by both my friends and my enemies. I thought I could get away from the drama of my old high school, but I quickly found out that it would follow me well into my time here. Through knowing these people my reputation from my old school lingered and I found it difficult to get away from the image they had of me. I wanted to be a new person at Skyline. I wanted to be an adult rather than a high school kid at college.Truthfully, I still don’t think I’ve shed the rumors and false accusations from high school. I see people at this campus who I have loathed in the past and who, for all I know, may still hate my guts. So, although I may not have followed my own advice, I have a pretty good idea of what can be done to help you in your situation.

Sever the tiesThe simplest way to ease your pain about old rumors and the people that spread them is to completely cut the umbilical cord to your old high school life. Separate yourself from them and try to focus on your current friends and schoolwork. It seems to me that you’ve already succeeded in keeping your enemies at bay, but since you still have strong feelings about the events that occurred in high school I would emphasize on focusing on your schoolwork and your new friends at Skyline. Your friends here like you for who you were when they met you and who you are now… they’re not the same shallow people who burned you in the past. Even if you maintain friendships from your grade school days, they are your friends for a reason. There’s a low chance they’ll betray your trust.

Be the better personBeing in college almost forces you to be a responsible individual. It helps you to become an adult. Think of these rumors from your past as a test of how much you’ve grown from the old days. I suggest that in order to clear your mind of past negativity you should contact the people who did this to you and have a serious conversation with them about how much it hurt. Speaking about your problems with the very people who caused them is a therapeutic way to get out your feelings in a civilized manner. They’ve probably changed as much as you have, so talking to them will probably be more pleasant and relieving than you think. Even if they haven’t changed, you can at least rest in the knowledge that you’ve risen above their petty high school drama.

Go proThere is an excellent health center at Skyline and one of their services offered is therapeutic counseling. If you ever feel depressed or just want someone to talk to, there are plenty of professionals at Skyline who you can talk to. The counselors at our school are good people to talk to any time… that’s what they’re paid for. I’m sure they’d have no problem helping you solve your problem or directing you to whoever can. Having trust issues can be diminishing to your schoolwork and your current friendships, so talking out your problems to anyone will help relieve your mind.

There’s really no escape from rumors, but you can make peace with the stupid things that happened in the past. Life is all about moving forward and Skyline may not be a fancy University, but it’s a step on your path to enlightenment. My advice is to let go of the past so it doesn’t pull you down in the future.