Advice Nerd:

This week I’m going to do something I vowed never to do; give sex advice. I made a promise to answer any questions to the best of my ability, and this one is not exempt.

Sarah writes:

What makes a guy need/want to watch porn when they have a girlfriend? What should a girlfriend do if they find out that their boyfriend is masturbating to porn?

Now I don’t presume to know more than any of my readers on the subject. I can only relate to you my own experiences (not those experiences, sicko). As to what makes a guy want to watch porn, males are naturally inclined to reproduce with multiple partners. In contrast, our society today frowns upon polygamy and in my opinion this can have a negative effect on male sexuality. Here are my suggestions for you… remember; this article is from a completely male standpoint.

Nothing…Don’t do anything. People masturbate, that’s all. Ninety-five percent of the males and eighty-nine percent of the women in the U.S. have masturbated. In fact, the second most common sexual act is masturbation, preceded only by intercourse itself. Men watch pornography as a tool to orgasm, not as a personal insult to their girlfriends. As I said above, a man can become frustrated by the strict boundaries of society and the guilt associated with watching pornography.

If you can’t beat him, join him…Mutual pornographic enjoyment can bring you together. Try watching a movie with him… you can learn much about what he likes and dislikes sexually. Also, showing that you support your boyfriend in whatever he does can allow a relationship to blossom. He’ll have more appreciation for you if he knows you don’t have a problem with his pornography viewing, guaranteed. Mutual masturbation is also a healthy and pleasurable alternative to intercourse. It can greatly minimize the risk of contraception as long as contact with your partner’s bodily fluids is avoided.

Get kinky…Some guys like porn because of certain things they like that you don’t. Explore each other’s interests and learn from each other’s choice in pornography. If you care about each other, you must be considerate of your different sexual preferences and try to satisfy them to the best of your abilities. If you don’t like some of his kinks, there’s no point trying to get him to stop masturbating… he likes what he likes and he can’t help it. All you can do is accept him for who he is.

Communicate…Talk to him about what he wants from you. Lack of communication could make the natural act of masturbation seem like a terrible thing to your partner, killing his self-confidence. If you think his masturbation habits stem from a lack of other sexual stimulation, you should do your best to understand what he needs from you. Masturbation provides an opportunity to learn about what your partner enjoys.

Break up or grow up…If you can’t deal with him touching himself, don’t deal with him at all. Pornography is a highly distributed form of media and seems to be an unstoppable force. It’s not going anywhere soon, so if you’ve got a problem with it you’d be hard pressed to find a guy who isn’t attracted to the nearly-endless possibilities pornography provides.

Try to open a channel of communication with your boyfriend. Try to accept his habits and let him explore them. I think what he is doing is totally natural, but I think it is really you who has the problem. Masturbation is natural and it shouldn’t make you feel rejected, it shouldn’t make you feel disgusted, it shouldn’t make you feel like you’re not good enough. Pornography will never be the real thing, so as long as you’ve got that vagina of yours you’ve got one up on the porn industry. So go masturbate with your boyfriend.I’m the Advice Nerd. If you’ve got a question for me you can email me at [email protected]. Please include the title Advice Nerd in the subject line so I don’t think its junk mail.