The Advice Nerd

Greetings.You know me and I know you, so let’s get down to business.When first we met, it was Valentine’s Day and I was “advising” you on how to snag a date. If you recall, my advice was a bit… stalker-esque. I apologize if you happened to run into someone who reads my column (not likely). If they took me seriously, they may still be after you, bothering you at your home, work, or anywhere else you happen to be. Realizing my mistake, I now have some advice on how to get rid of those pesky stalkers.

“Go away!”Politely ask your stalker to leave the area immediately… that is if you ever see him. If he happens to be physically present, do your best to let him know his company is not welcome (without using your fists). If he doesn’t respond, get to a place where there are lots of people and make sure they know that he’s bothering you. Being in a public place should be a huge deterrent for any stalker and the activities he may have planned in his sick little head. At this time, it may be a good idea to call the cops, especially if your stalker has shown any violent tendencies.

“Hey, have you met…”Sick and tired of the strange person following you around with a big goofy grin on his face? I know I am. I see him in the mirror all the time. If this is the case with you, don’t feel ashamed to set your stalker up with a friend of yours… or an enemy, if you can. If you can find an enemy to leave your pathetic familiar with, you can watch as they are torn apart by those same feelings of disgust and rejection you were feeling. It’ll be great. If you can’t find a foe to take your stalker off your hands, a friend will also do, but be prepared to end the friendship. It might still be better than dealing with the constant annoyance of your bothersome follower.

“I have to go meet my boyfriend.”It doesn’t matter if you’ve actually got one or not, but informing your stalker to the possibility is going to jam him up a bit. Many stalkers probably don’t care whether or not you have a boyfriend, but at least some of them will. Your chances of a long-term encounter with your stalker will most likely go down.

“That’s what you get, pervert!”I don’t support violence, but if things get to the point where you are faced with a harmful situation, don’t be afraid to kick some ass. Say you’re in the parking lot at night and you notice the fellow walking behind you is getting pretty close. The second you feel physical contact, let those fists fly. Chances are, someone silently approaching from behind in a Skyline parking lot is going to want something you’re not willing to give – and I don’t mean your iPod, although thieves are known to frequent the parking lots right along with rapists and other unsavory criminals. I strongly suggest walking with a friend to your car or wherever you’re going. It may sound ridiculous, but there actually is safety in numbers.

You know, when I think of the word “stalker,” I think of violent perverts who can’t get a date without some rope and a white van. Much of the time, it really isn’t that way at all. If your stalker isn’t being violent, I see no reason to launch an unnecessary attack on him. Like I said, I don’t support violence and I think every other measure should be taken before you involve the cops, Skyline security, or your own bloodlust. In my opinion, those who resort to stalking are just insecure individuals with no communication skills. Hell, if you take the time to talk to these people you may find your best friend.

Not like I have any experience on the matter, though…

For information involving self defense, you can visit the website of The Skyline View at

For the last time this semester, I’m John Harrison and this has been Advice Nerd. It has been a pleasure forcing my advice on you.