The Advice Nerd

Hello again, students of Skyline. My name is John Harrison, online editor of The Skyline View, but I’m sure you’ve already read that in the byline. I’m here to give you some awesome advice for the problems you have. The meat and bones of this column is you, reader. You provide me with questions to ask, and I provide you with answers written in slightly entertaining language while still giving (hopefully) helpful advice. Fortunately, someone accomplished the first part of this not-too-complicated process, sending me this question:

Why is the microwave in the cafeteria not clean? It is repulsive.

Since I received this question using unreliable means (i.e. human mouth), I can’t really relate the whole story that came before the question was asked. Something involving how there were gross, dripping noodles of spaghetti all over the microwave when the anonymous person put their food in it to cook. This person returned the following week and the old food-bits were still hanging out.

I can understand how this would repulse someone. I examined the device just before I began writing this column and didn’t see a speck of food in the thing. Here are some things you can do to make sure that other people’s microwave drippings don’t splatter into your food.

Buy terribly expensive cleaning productsIf you use the microwave everyday, bringing in some cleaning supplies to maintain its shininess might be a good idea. It’s not really your responsibility, but if the people who are supposed to be keeping the microwave clean aren’t doing their jobs, you should take matters in your own hands. If the food splattering continues, try some of the other suggestions below.

Cover your foodI’m not sure if there are paper towels readily available in the cafeteria, but if you cover your plate before sticking it in the dirty microwave, you shouldn’t have a problem. Of course, the use of Tupperware would eliminate the need for covering altogether, so maybe you should spend even more of your hard-earned cash on a set of plastic dishware. Then again if the microwave is oozing with old food globs, you will definitely hesitate to dirty your brand new Tupperware. It’s really up to you.

Ask the people who work there to clean itPolitely beg the cafeteria employees to do their jobs.

Bring non-microwave foodsThe lure of hot, steaming food is indeed tempting, but to defeat the need for sloppy microwaves, perhaps a change in diet is in order. Eating foods that either taste better cold or don’t taste too bad uncooked can eliminate any encounter with the unclean inner compartment of the cafeteria’s dastardly machine. Stay away from the Ramen.

Use a microwave off campusCheck around. Do any of your friends who live near campus have microwaves? If so, I suggest you create a microwavepool. It’s like a carpool, only with microwaves. Pile into a car and make a trip to the house to quickly cook your food hassle-free. Unless you have really messy friends, you should be leaving your goopy microwave troubles behind.

Well, if I haven’t told you anything useful at all in this column, just remember one thing before you toss this paper into the recycling bin: If you’re ever hungry and haven’t got anything to eat, just mosey your way over to the microwave in the cafeteria. There’s bound to be something just lying around. Or dripping.

Anyhow, I’m that Advice Nerd guy. You can send me questions at [email protected] or find some other, less convenient way to ask me things. If it’s more convenient, you can drop by the newsroom. We’re located in building one in room 1216. Your identity can be concealed for your protection. Oh, and anything you submit will become the property of The Skyline View, like always. I anxiously await your blizzard of questions.