Dear Zoe,

I met this really cute guy the other night and I gave him my phone number. It’s been two whole days and he still hasn’t called. I don’t have his number so I can’t call, but I did find him on Facebook. I’m really tempted to contact him online because I’m worried he may have lost my number or maybe he’s sick or something bad happened to him. I just want to make sure he’s okay and it’s driving me nuts waiting by the phone. I don’t want to look desperate but I really want to talk to him! What should I do?

-Anxious

Dear Anxious,

Waiting by the phone is an awful feeling, isn’t it? It’s exciting to meet someone new and daydream about where things might lead. There’s nothing like a new romantic prospect to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, anticipating the next time you talk or see each other again. But then they don’t call. A day, two days, a week goes by and suddenly all that excitement turns into doubt. Was it something I said? Did? Am I not cute or interesting or smart enough? Should I have worn an even shorter skirt??

You didn’t say how much contact you had with this guy before exchanging digits. Maybe you talked for hours at a party or maybe he was just some hot stranger who immediately hit on you and got your info. Perhaps like many modern females you made the first move and gave him your number. Whatever the situation, I’m going to assume that you thought the feeling was mutual, so that’s why you are feeling so let down.

But no matter how you met or how long you flirted, resist the urge to contact him. Don’t do it! You know he has your number, he knows he has your number, so let him man up and contact you. I can guarantee that if a guy really likes you, he will call you.

Don’t play that “what if” game. What if he got into a terrible accident and is lying in the hospital? He didn’t…I can assure you he’s perfectly fine. And if he is somehow injured/sick/dying, if he really likes you, he’ll find a way to contact you. But what if he’s lying in a coma? Well, then, you can’t go out with him anyway, so just let the poor guy heal already. What if he broke his phone and lost my number? Trust me, that never happens and even if he did break his phone, then he can go on Facebook to find you just like you found him. And if he somehow doesn’t have computer access and doesn’t know what Facebook is, then what do you two have in common anyway? Go find a guy who’s actually heard of the internet!

So stop waiting by the phone. Distract yourself with a hobby, friends, new shoes, favorite trashy reality show or whatever strikes your fancy. If you’re too busy having fun, then you won’t care that one random boy might not call you. You should be out meeting new people and having fun! If he calls, awesome. If he doesn’t, you’ll be too busy flirting with the cute new guys you are meeting that you won’t even notice.

Besides, it’s only been two days so give him a break already. He’s got a life to take care of too. For all you know he doesn’t want to look desperate with calling you so soon after meeting, so give it some more time. And remember, if he doesn’t call you, it’s not your loss, it’s HIS. It’s not your problem if he doesn’t want to get to know how wonderful of a catch you are!

Dear Zoe,

I am always buying sweet little gifts to let my boyfriend know how much I care about and am thinking of him. Unfortunately he seems to only appreciate them for five minutes and then he forgets. I’ve brought this to his attention but he says he just has a different way of showing appreciation. What can I do to get a better reaction from him? Or am I just overreacting?

-C

Dear C,

You sound like a very thoughtful and loving girlfriend! No only do you care and think about your boyfriend but you also make an effort to give him nice presents. It’s too bad that his current reaction isn’t what you are hoping for, but I think this is a fairly minor problem that can hopefully be fixed.

I’m curious what kind of presents you are getting for him. Are they things that you like and you’re hoping he’ll enjoy them as well? Or are they things that you think he’ll like…but aren’t completely sure of? Or are you sure that these gifts are things that he should definitely like because he told you he wanted them or they are related to his interests?

If you are buying him things that you like, whether or not he’s interested in them, I’m honestly not surprised that he’s not more enthusiastic. Say you got him an adorable teddy bear that you think looks like him…while he should thank you and be appreciative that you thought of him, I can understand why an average guy just wouldn’t be very excited about receiving a stuffed animal. If this is what’s happening to you…that you are buying sweet gifts but they aren’t things he’s interested in, then perhaps you can start to see why he’s only appreciative for a short while. Think back on those ugly socks you got one Christmas from a random relative. You probably smiled and said thank you for the thought but I’m sure you weren’t giddy with glee for days afterwards because you weren’t really into the gift even though you thought it was sweet that your dear old aunt got you something.

Try finding gifts that are related to things you know he really likes. If he has a favorite band and you buy him their latest CD, I’d be really surprised if he wasn’t really happy to receive it. Just remember that guys are often interested in very different things than women, so we can’t expect them to have the same reaction to things that we like. You might get him lots of gifts you know he definitely likes but find that he still doesn’t say very much after the initial thank you. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care…maybe he’s just naturally not much of a talker.

I don’t think you are overreacting with wanting to hear more appreciation from him but you should also keep in mind that people show their thanks in many different ways. Maybe he doesn’t verbally tell you how thankful he is for your affection but he shows how much he cares by always buying you lunch or walking you to class. Some people find it really easy to say how and what they are feeling, especially women, so they often expect other people to communicate back in the same way. But if your sweetie carries your books and picks you up everyday in his car even if you’re out of the way for him, then I think that says “I love you and care about you and think about you” just as much as cute little gifts from you!