This is Dr. G saying hello for the last time, next semester I will not be here to help all you troubled relationship readers out there but I am sure my successor will do an admirable job. To mark this coming to an end occasion I have selected a letter monologueing about the coming to an end of a relationship.
Dear Dr. G, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. Over the past few months I fell less and less affectionate towards him and I think I’ve fallen out of love with him. Lately, I’ve found myself trying to break up with him subversively, several times in fact, but he seems to not notice. I don’t want to continue, but I also don’t want to hurt. What should I do? I don’t want to stay when I don’t love him.
Sincerely, Nicole B.
Dear Nicole, Breaking up for most people is difficult, especially if it is a long committed relationship. There is just no possible way of coming out of it without at least one person being hurt. The sad fact is that a break up is the final dismissal of all the things that you two shared, with no future of more: all the good, all the bad, and all the W.T.F. times are over. As your letter describes, you don’t love him anymore, but at the same time you still care for him. It’s become more of a close friendship for you rather than a romantic relationship for him, and because of that you are now covertly trying to break it off with him. But you can’t break up with him like that. If you honestly do not love him anymore you need to break it off with him cleanly. To stay in this relationship as it is cruel not only to you but to him as well. Everyone deserves someone to love and be loved by, and by staying in this relationship you are denying him and yourself that right. You must conquer this fear of not wanting to hurt him you must allow yourself to be free. I know you say he hasn’t notice your attempts to break up before but I’m sure he at least has a general feeling of your unhappiness. The best way to do this is to not blind side him, do it face to face and speak honestly. Talk about how you have been feeling these past few months and what you want to happen. Do not stop, just drive on what about what you have to say and say it, and stick to it. It’s going to suck but it has to be done. I hope that this works out the best for you and I hope you find new love soon.
Wishing the best, Dr.G a.k.a. Gino Grelli