I am not an Indian, but being of a south Asian ethnicity most people are stereotypically considered to be my race. Of course my family has not been Indian since 1947. We share the same culture and colors, particularly brown. When I say I hate Bollywood I am not saying that I hate Indians. I am only saying that I can’t stand their Frankenstein creature they use as an excuse for entertainment.

Bollywood, for those who don’t know, is India’s Hollywood with ten times the superficiality. To give you a visual of a Bollywood film it will cast the same or new over powdered tan woman pretending their light, an ugly bad boy who thinks he’s cute or a pretty boy from London, a short mother who is at times way hotter than the female lead and the father that never can accept or acknowledge (until the end of the story) the true power of love. The father may be played, as most of the time is, by Bollywood legend Amitabh Bachchan. His son, Abhishek Bachchan, is now a big shot being in every other movie with now- wife since last week Aishwarya Rai despite his lack of acting or dancing talent. If you don’t believe me, go watch Umrao Jaan (2006), where he acts stupid better than he can act tipsy. This is all wrapped around a four-hour script involving lip-synced dance scenes and over done theatrics. Don’t forget to name the lead female Sanjana and the lead mail Rohit or Rahul.

Where I really draw the line is just how bad they portray culture and current events. It really gets on my nerves when I’m confronted by someone about my race and all they can ask or say is “so you watch Bollywood movies right?” or “Can you tell me a good Bolllywood movie?”. Being brown isn’t so awesome when people only like you because of the movies that portray your culture.

What the favorite Bollywood plot twist is when the movie is reaching two-and-a-half hours and your ready to get out of your seat the lovers who are totally in an unbreakable relationship break apart. The guy ends up being a terrorist for some anti-Indian government and fakes his death because he loves the girl too much or the girl ends up having a childhood engagement she can’t get out of. It’s time to endure another two hours of dancing drama and lip singing to reach the ending of the movie which would most likely end with the girl crying at her wedding she’s so happy to get married. Bollywood likes to do that, teach young girls that getting married is going to be fun and that you better like it or else you’ll end up like Sanjana’s older sister, a snob who will never attract a cute guy and she’s stuck with the ugly rich guy. Well, at least she’s rich now; even though she has no life.

I may be the first to public ally to admit this but they are also cheaters. Copycats. Copyright ignoring scoundrels. A few years ago a movie was released “Mujhse Shaadi Karogi” (Will You Marry Me?). The synopsis and conclusion were very similar – exactly like a popular 2003 comedy – “Anger management”. Remember that movie, where Adam Sandler pretended to have an anger problem and crazy Jack Nicholson helped him by making Sandler angrier? Well, instead it was a guy I college who was very violent had an outrageous lazy roommate get on his nerves. Finally after a lot of pointless stuff the roommate has gone too far, far enough to ask the angry guy’s girlfriend to marry him. At the end there was a sports game where the angry guy breaks down and blah blah blah (I get tired after reading four hours of subtitles) finally the roommate confesses that he’s the dude’s childhood who was told by his mom that what’s his face angry guy was still violent. Everyone’s happy and la la la it’s over. Seriously though, how can you not recognize your best friend from your childhood? What a loser.

I believe that the only reason why people watch these excuses for entertainment is probably for the flashy colors and fantasies of having a pretty life with a pretty family when in reality the world, particularly India, is suffering from poverty, famine, disease and over population. I can see how Bollywood films aren’t a lie and that’s how overpopulated the country is. What I rarely see in Bollywood is truth, not even a tease of the truth; everything is a cover-up.