Pro: John Harrison
L. Ron Hubbard, a celebrated Science-Fiction author, wrote a book called Dianetics in May of 1950. This was a publication centered on mental health that quickly spawned a new belief system called “Scientology.” More than forty years after the release of Dianetics, the Church of Scientology was officially born, receiving full religious recognition by the IRS. An estimated 6.5 million fools follow the religion worldwide, blindly handing over their cash to an organization founded by a man who wrote science-fiction novels!
People are being duped by the Church of Scientology. They have every right to be. The fact that L. Ron Hubbard founded a religion based on aliens and spaceships sends off a red alarm for any sensible individual, but there’s nothing we can really do to help the poor people who are being brainwashed by this ridiculous nonsense. Free speech and religion are protected in the United States Constitution. The Constitution protects all religions, including the one you may or may not subscribe to.
Many will say that the Church of Scientology is a scam, a cult only interested in people’s money. There are also people who will testify that the Church of God is nothing more than a scam, stealing the money out of people’s pockets. What’s the difference? So much attention is given to the allegation that Scientology is unlawfully taking their followers’ funds that the other religions are forgotten. Every organized religion bases its existence around taking the money of its followers. It’s how they survive. Scientology is no different than any supposedly legitimate church around the world.
Everyone in the United States has the right to choose which religion they want to be swindled by, but whether you’re a Mormon, Muslim, Atheist or Agnostic, Scientology is just another lie that Americans can spend their cash and beliefs on.
Con: Mike Whitebear
Finally, at long last, the world is at peace. Things are as they should be, and no one is angry. There are no villains running around, only heroes. Thank you, L. Ron Hubbard, for showing us the true way of thinking. As long as Xenu is trapped in that mountain behind a force field powered by an infinitely-charged battery, nothing can harm us.
Sorry about that lapse in judgment right there, but I was taking crazy pills. I mean, you would have to have a good prescription of them if you want to go ahead and be a Scientologist. The whole pseudo-religion is nothing but a big pant load, and I’m here to set you, the loyal and trusting reader, straight.
First off, let me tell you that Scientologists do not believe in psychiatry. Yeah, no surprises there. Sure, let’s not believe in something that we actually need. And I say this because it leads beautifully into my next observation: the whole Scientology thing is based off of a novel written by one L. Ron Hubbard. Who is this writer? Certainly not popular enough in my eyes to have created a religion. Funny how things work out, isn’t it? You write a sci-fi novel, in the hopes that people will enjoy an action-packed adventure in space, and sure enough, a religion is formed off of it!
But I’m not without a trusting side, you know. I was ready to give this thing a chance, and find out the backbone of Scientology. I mean, there are a lot of people into it, so I figured that the Scientology thing must have a pretty convincing story behind it. Turns out I was wrong there, too. Did you happen to see the word “Xenu” way back at the beginning of this article? Well, it certainly wasn’t a word that I made up in my spare time, I can tell you that. “Xenu” is actually a space villain that tried to enslave Earth, or something along those lines. I don’t remember, since I was too busy laughing while I was reading about Scientology on Wikipedia. What I did remember, though, was that he’s trapped behind a force field in a mountain, thanks to an infinitely-charged battery. And no, I SWEAR that I’m not making this stuff up.
But it turns out that many people buy into this story, including such celebrities as Leah Remini, Jason Lee, and of course, Scientology’s two biggest poster children: Tom Cruise and John Travolta. They all buy into the Xenu story, and they believe that you should, too. Well, maybe not Leah and Jason, but definitely the other two guys. I mean, we all know how crazy Tom is. Personally, I think that he could get so worked up, he’d do a backflip onto John’s personal jet. But that’s just comedic thinking.
In short (or long, depending on how long it took you to skim through this article to look for naughty words), Scientology is basically like playing with your pogo stick in a fox hole. It’s probably going to be fun for a while, but then something bad usually happens.