Reflecting on this semester calls to mind many fond memories of being the chief cook and bottle washer for this rag we call a newspaper. Forgive me while I shed a tear and reminisce over the painful joy that is running a ship held together with duct tape and prayers.

Issue 1:Ah, I love fresh meat. There’s nothing like taking a group of newbies who barely know the difference between AP and MLA styles, and thwacking into their skulls the importance of following the holy bible of newspapers, the AP style manual (even if you follow it very loosely). Or the conflict and controversy over whether or not to run an expletive within the paper. Well, this time I got overruled and my expletives were deleted.

Issue 2:There’s nothing like being used as a tool… for politicians. Moving on, there was the issue of giving Trojans (condoms) to the Trojans (students). In our online poll, after you remove my joking options and condense them into two categories, 41 people voted against the distribution, and 31 people voted for it. Have we really created a climate on campus where a smart gesture is viewed with the prudish lens that is inherent within our society? Or is it possible that you 41 people took the biggest share of the condoms for your own nefarious purposes, such as a water fight behind building 8? Or how about for testing out the suspension in the latest hot rod to come out at the on campus auto department?

And if you think this is bathroom humor, you really need to pay more attention to Frank Romero’s articles, and be grateful you didn’t see the alternate photograph that nearly ran with the Doggy Diner article in Issue 6. It could scare a hungry dog off a garbage pile… for life.

Issue 3:REPRESENT! Yet again we go up to Sacramento to protest budget cuts, and yet again we are denied an opportunity to talk with the head honcho. The Talisman, purveyor of fine artistic musings, is now in its 35th year. And don’t forget, this time we came down like a sixteen pound sledgehammer on Nader. We’re still trying to remove the green stains from the walls. Then there was the joy of drowning our sorrows… I mean taste testing to bring a little cheer to everyone on Saint Patrick’s Day.

Issue 4:Also known as the conflict and controversy issue, in which you didn’t get into the conflict and controversy until you hit our popular April Fools’ pull-out. Not only did we lose our staff illustrator after this issue, but we caused such an uproar with that issue that we got a whopping total of one complaint. Thank you for showing me the error in our ways. I will request that “Ask Pimptatious” be made a permanent addition to this paper in the fall. At least I hope that Dan Savage would approve of the satire.

Issue 5:HOLY BAT GUANO! Dr. Frances White is leaving!

We also saw the return of “What the…!”And then my staff ran away to go to a convention while I was left here to drown my sorrows in a tall root beer.

Issue 6:Mmm… pie! No matter what has gone on, or will go on within this paper, pie makes it all better. Unfortunately, chocolate cream pie and Frank’s “I’m Mentioning” don’t blend well.

Issue 7:The end of the road. The line in the sand. The final nail in my coffin. Stick a fork in me, for I am done. So long and thanks for all the fish (wrappers).

Thank you all for the fond memories and putting up with my esoteric choices in music. It has been a wonderful experience. Special thanks to Charlie Caudill for doing such a wonderful job coming in and advising us.

So long and thanks for all the fish!

– Ed