Digital technology, specifically smartphones have transformed several aspects of society, including dating. As much as dating has quickly changed over the years, there is still the expectation of rejection and embarrassment. Making the first move is never easy for girls and guys alike.
A new study which questioned 891 single men, coordinated by dating website Cupid.com, found that 87 percent of men would give a woman a chance if she made the first move.
I had the opportunity to interview a couple, Andrea Domingo and Isaiah Macababbad on their experiences and their advice on making the first move in the modern day.
Q: Who made the first move in your relationship?
Domingo: Isaiah did.
Macababbad: Well I made the first move. I thought she was cute in middle school but I never got a chance to actually talk to her until high school. So we DMed (Direct Messaging) and when I shot my shot and she just rejected me. It hurt but I got over it and I just had to come at her from a different approach.
Q: What was your different approach?
Macababbad: Well, [I] got to know her a different way like ask my friends who were friends with her about her and get an idea who she really was. Then it fell flat because I transferred schools. So I finally saw her again at her own birthday party that she invited me to and at that point we couldn’t stop looking at each other.
Q: How did you both react to the “first move”?
Domingo: He actually slid into the DMs during my sophomore year and I never replied. I honestly don’t know why I literally left him on “read”.
Macababbad: Making the first move is always a scary thing to me but it’s always worth it.
Q: How did Isaiah feel about making the first move?
Domingo: He said he felt confident.
Macababbad: You know, you always gotta try. If not, it won’t go anywhere.
Q: How do you personally feel about making the first move?
Domingo: I feel like, now, girls have more confidence in making the first move. So if I see the opportunity to, I would take it. If I feel attracted to you, why not pursue it?
Q: How do you feel when someone makes the first move on you?
Domingo: I say flattered- because they built up the confidence to talk to me.
Macababbad: It has happened to me and it catches me off guard. But it doesn’t bother me. Sometimes guys are not the most observant people so if a girl makes the move, it actually helps complete something the guy hasn’t noticed.
Q: Do you think there are bad ways to approach someone? I know as girls we always get disrespected, so what’s a bad way to approach someone?
Domingo: Yes, definitely. Girls especially get approached the wrong way. An example would be catcalling, making that move is too forward and uncomfortable.
Macababbad: I mean of course there is. I was raised to always respect women and what you say to them in a polite manner and be kind on how u talk to them. If you come off like a player and are in it for sex, then it’s likely your approach won’t work.
Q: Do you have any advice for people who wanna make the first move but are too shy to?
Domingo: I say just go for it! If you find the person attractive and you want to get to know them it definitely doesn’t hurt to try!
Macababbad: You just got to believe in yourself. You know, it is like “take the risk”. It is okay to get rejected. Never hurts to try again.
As this particular couple shared, making the first move can possibly strengthen your successes in life as well or never know. Benjamin Hardy, of Medium, wrote in a CNBC article, “You are responsible for how you respond to life. No longer do you impulsively react. No longer do you blame others for any lack on your part.”
This quote, unsurprisingly, applies to dating as well. If you are willing to make the first move, who says it stops there? Making the first move in any context, whether dating or work-related, is key in taking control of your life.